So as part of this promise to myself I have been wondering…if I had only one line of advice for my soul to shine, what would it be? And it feels clear to me – it would be this one: Stop giving a s*#t!!
Huh?! Yup, you read it right….though you might be interpreting this line a little differently from what I actually mean. The thing is, I care SO much! The amount of love I have in my heart overwhelms me at times and my greatest dream is to make a positive impact through the life I live. Now, if I were to count the moments where I’ve obsessed over what other people are thinking of me and tried to predict how they will react to my words and actions….I wouldn’t be able to give you a number – and if I could, the zeros at the end certainly wouldn’t fit on this page.
So when I say to my soul ‘Don’t give a …,’ I’m really telling myself to stop holding back and to stop doubting so much. I’m telling my soul to stop wasting this precious life with worrying and overthinking. If I waste my time making myself small…what good is that gonna do? How will the world benefit if I hide??!
Actually, I have a strong believe that thinking negative thoughts about myself is actually selfish. Instead of wasting my precious time tormenting myself I could instead spend it creating magical moments with my loved ones, I could be drawing, studying, reading – and on experiencing utter joy in the process.
Growing up, I thought I was different and never felt I fit in. I was hospitalized when I was 14 after completely neglecting my body… if I wasn’t even able to feed my own body, how could I believe then, that I am good at other things??! I didn’t love myself. I wasn’t proud of my heritage. I wasn’t really proud of much at all. But I knew that there is something inside me that needed to be shared – and I knew what was inside never truly belonged to me, so did I really have the right to withhold it from others?
I feel it is an insult to creation to not believe in myself and to make myself small. The world is waiting for me to share my unique gifts. And you personally might think: “Well, yes of course being confident is preferable over being insecure. But I ……(fill in the blanks) “didn’t have parents who taught me to be confident”, “am too old”, “am too fat”, “have the wrong passport / skin color / gender / sexual orientation”, “am not beautiful enough”, “don’t have enough money”, “don’t have the right education”, ….the stories we each insert here are endless – and BORING!
Confidence is simply a matter of choice – and more importantly, it is a matter of practice. I had an endless list of negative story inserts…and they bored (and scared) the life out of me (and with that I mean literally, it sucked the life force out of me, leaving me uninspired and afraid). That was until I realized the cold hard truth, that confidence was an inside job. No one else could give me the confidence I desired; I had to cultivate it on my own.
So I started…. I started to watch the thoughts I thought. I started to listen to the people I surrounded myself with – and invited people into my life who I loved listening to. I allowed others to love me. I practiced receiving compliments and to truly let them sink in. I started listening to my language. I started watching my posture.
Now, I am writing as if these were things of the past, but one thing is for certain: I am still practicing. Every single day. Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I slip. But I am determined that this is the only way to create a life I love – a life that will leave an imprint. So I continue flexing the muscle until it becomes my default setting. Will you join me?