I'm writing from my dad's sofa wearing fuzzy socks and sipping cinnamon tea. For the first time in ten years (?!) I have come home to Germany in winter. Somehow, I've been telling myself that it was just more convenient to visit in the summers. And so the years flew by.
But if I'm honest, one of the reasons I haven't come back in winter all these years was because winters made me nervous. Having suffered from depression in my teens, the cold and gray season intimidated me since that's when I used to feel the lowest. And even though I have been depression-free for over a decade, facing winter was one thing I put off year after year.
But this year, I didn't want to put it off any longer, because I couldn't wait to meet my perfect (I know I might be biased, by seriously, I'm so in love!) 6-week-old baby nephew Theo. Plus, I wanted to spend the holidays with him and his 2 little cousins Phillip and Luise and the rest of my family. I wanted to face those fears and old stories to be with my loved ones.
It has been a mindblowing experiment to sit with the multitude of emotions that arise and to fall back to the tools that have helped me over the years, regardless of my location: I make sure to get outside daily, no matter the weather, I move my body, breath in the fresh air, do my daily yoga and meditation practice and remind myself to count the many blessings in my life.
Often people ask me what it's like to live in 'paradise' but reflecting on these last few weeks, being here feels like paradise just as much. I have been loving every minute of this grey and muddy winter experience - the scent of snow, the crunching of fallen leaves, the scrambling of little squirrels rushing up the trees.
With 2020 just around the corner and my return to winter after a decade of tropical summers, I have been reflecting on this past decade at the beginning of which I founded Ananda Soul. Yes, Ananda will be 10 years in March and it feels like it's a little child of its own! And if I think about it, this brand is the embodiment of facing my fears, of taking leaps of faith and of calling on the guides, tools, support and strength that are the essence of our creations.
I wanted to tell this little story in case there is anyone out there who is holding back because of an old fear. Maybe this gives you a little nudge to revisit and potentially rewrite an old story.
The main emotion that fuels me these days is gratitude. For the amazing humans I get to work with and for YOU, who continues to love and wear my creations. I am deeply in awe of what happens when we listen to our soul despite the scared voices in our heads. I couldn't have done it without you, so I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I am welcoming this coming decade with a smile in my heart, excited to see what wants to unfold. What I do know is that my main focus will continue to be family, community, friends, health, and wellbeing of the body and the planet. And to continuously revisit old belief systems or fears that might be holding me back.
What are you calling in for this new decade? What old believes are you ready to leave behind? Please share in the comments below.
I am wishing you and your loved ones a beautiful holiday season and may you enter the new decade with a smile in your heart.